HOT PURSUIT

Leave it to my trusty writer Howard Lestrud to stir up a barnyard ruckus. He’s really done it this time.
Some larger cities have problems with ruckuses involving criminals and their behavior, while other areas like ours have commotions involving animals. I’ll certainly take what we have going on any day.
I think Howard has got every dairy cow in Steele County and elsewhere mooing over his call for a milking contest with real cows next year. And cows aren’t the only ones mooing over what Howard thinks could be the “battle of the century.”
In case you missed last week’s edition, Howard, in his Reflections column, issued a challenge for a real milking contest between himself and yours truly.
“We are in favor of the challenge by Howard and hope that it becomes a reality next June,” chimed in a reader from Owatonna. “Our bet is on Rick to win this challenge.”
Just this week, I received a notice from the Steele County American Dairy Association, which plans to take on Howard’s suggestion as official business. The thought is perhaps the contest could be incorporated into the group’s annual Breakfast on the Farm in June.
I’ll be honest Howard scares me. He is already bragging about his BIG SQUEEZE, a cow that only let her milk down for him and no one else. The only practice I have with a squeeze is squeezing off rounds from a .40-caliber Glock during my days as a police officer. Not sure that will help much with this challenge.
I’m also not sure if squeezing the ink onto the newspaper pages really counts at all. Plus, I have lots of experience squeezing one more story or photo into the newspaper each week. But, again, I don’t think that will come in handy in this case.
Howard has practice milking cows by hand, though it has been probably close to 60 years ago.
But still, it’s more experience than I have.
Granted, I grew up on a farm as well, but my experience was slopping the hogs with feed and water and helping piglets nurse with their mommas. Nowhere did cows play into my farm experience.
Thankfully, I got a little experience back in August at the Steele County Free Fair, where I milked Bella, the fake cow. I learned a few things from the contest that should prepare me well for taking on Howard.
I’m still trying to figure a way of slipping Steele County dairy farmer Rick Balzer’s robotic milkers into the contest, of course, just for my cow.
I don’t think I have any choice but to accept Howard’s challenge.
Stay tuned as this challenge continues to unfold in the coming months.
I guess it’s time I go in hot pursuit of finding a real cow to milk in preparation for next summer’s big milking challenge. Watch out, Howard!