‘It just made sense’

When Jennifer Radel tells you “What’s meant to be, will be,” believe her.

She and her husband, Dylan, come from families where adoption is prevalent; her mother’s side has no fewer than 10 adoptees.

“Between aunts, uncles, cousins, we’ve had a lot of adoptions in both of our families,” Jennifer Radel said, “so it’s always been something I wanted to do.”

After the couple struggled with fertility, “it just made sense,” she said. “We’d rather spend the money on adopting than IVF.”

Their success story sat on her lap during the final Downtown Thursday as part of the Owatonna Human Rights Commission’s Human Library. His name is Kai, he’s 16 months old, and he has Down syndrome.

They were asked to participate by Jennifer Hansen, who helped organize the event. It’s designed to allow people to talk to someone with whom they may not otherwise cross paths – about anything from cultural differences to unusual jobs to community leaders and more.

Studies suggest that hearing the “human books’” personal stories is important to gain understanding and challenge stereotypes.

“Jen said the adoptive parent ‘book’ was really popular last year, and they wanted to get another family with another perspective,” Jennifer Radel said of her family’s participation.

Adoption, Dylan Radel said, “is not for the faint of heart. We have been through some hoops.”

“It’s quite the process,” Jennifer Radel said. “It is not as easy as, ‘There’s a lot of kids who need homes.’ We’ve had our fingerprints taken …”

“…six, seven, eight times, probably?” Dylan Radel answered.

The agency they worked with was not a special needs-specific agency, “but if there were extenuating circumstances, we would just get an email that said, ‘Do you want us to show your profile to this birth mom?’ And we would reply yes, if we were OK with whatever those conditions are,” Jennifer Radel said. “And we said yes to the majority of them.”

Kai was “the easiest one to say yes to,” his dad said, smiling broadly.

“I teach early childhood special ed, so it was a pretty easy, ‘Yep, we’d be OK,’ and she picked us,” Jennifer Radel said of the birth mother. “She was talking to us and two other families initially.”

The Radels drove to Texas to meet the young woman about a week and a half before Kai was born.

“She was still talking to one other family at that point, so she had to make a decision,” Jennifer said.

“That was tough,” said Dylan Radel, “because we drove down. That was a tough drive home, because we still didn’t know.”

The couple had been prepared to take a new baby home, in case he arrived during their visit.

“We had the car all packed,” Dylan Radel said. “Car seat in it, all of that. Everything.”

The call came on April 17: The birth mother chose the Radels.

“We were at work,” Jennifer Radel said. “I called him and said, ‘She picked us,’ then she texted me an hour later and said, ‘I’m in labor.’”

Though the plan had been to be in the room during the birth, “we don’t live an hour away,” Jennifer Radel said.

“So we packed our bags and booked our flight,” she said. “We got on our airplane at 7:05 and he was born at 7:10 p.m.”

It was nearly midnight when the Radels arrived, “so she asked us to (wait and) come in the morning,” Jennifer said. “Fair enough.”

They met their son when he was 11 hours old, but it was another three weeks before they could bring him home, thanks to differing adoption laws between the states.

“We practically had to start over,” Dylan Radel said of the process. They had to “essentially reapply” through a Texas-based adoption agency, be accepted by that agency, then pay all of their agency fees, on top of the home study fees and agency fees they had already paid in Minnesota.

“We would never push anyone away from adoption, but if you’re signing up with a national agency,” he said, “make sure you do your homework” about varying laws and requirements.

The couple had barely arrived back home before people asked if they would adopt again.

“It’s a constant question,” Dylan Radel said, and the short answer is “yes.”

The longer answer requires some understanding of the process.

“The financial part is always a shock to people,” Jennifer Radel said. “I tell people, he’s the million-dollar baby. I mean, not quite a million, but … that’s another part of answering when we’ll (adopt) again. When you give me $70,000?

“I mean, it’s worth it, 100%, but that takes time,” she said.

“And there’s no payment plan,” Dylan Radel said. “They require payment up front.”

He works at Federated, which they said was “phenomenal” throughout their experience.

Federated provided Dylan Radel with paternity leave and adoption assistance, which helped with legal and travel expenses.

Kai’s is an open adoption, with frequent text messages and monthly photos from the Radels to the birth parents.

The couple has been told that the adoption process goes more quickly the second time; both said it would be nice to give Kai a sister, “but if I am destined to be a boy mom, it will be OK,” Jennifer Radel laughed.

There is no specific focus on having another child with special needs, though it’s obviously not an obstacle.

“I am a firm believer in what’s meant to be, will be,” she said.

For now, they are happy to tell others about their path to parenthood.

“We love talking about our story,” Dylan Radel said.

“We’ve had so many people reach out and just say, ‘We don’t know where to start,’ and ‘What does it look like?’” Jennifer Radel said. “People have made their decision to adopt – or not – based on our experience. And overall, obviously, it’s a positive experience, but when you get those rejections…”

The December before Kai was born, the Radels seemed close to adopting a little girl, but the adoption fell through.

“Then he was born in April,” Jennifer Radel said, “and I wouldn’t change it for the world now.”